I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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