operation harelip BJ is a go
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
