4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
