I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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