i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
