it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think i have two assholes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
