Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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