Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
