be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
