the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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