omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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