Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
