I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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