i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
