I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
