What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
