Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
