what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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