Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
