It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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