I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
