And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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