and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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