I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
