I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
