guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Two words: nipple clamps
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