we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
