I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
