i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
