Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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