why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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