pop tarts are not kleenex
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
