she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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