...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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