you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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