i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
