So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
