So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
