you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
