Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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