its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drunk is not a location!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
