Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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