My room smells like vodka and shame
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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