Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
