how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
