we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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