Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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