You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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