i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
