I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
