We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
