Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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