her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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