wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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