remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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