I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
