What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
