Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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