I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I want a musical about memes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
