we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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