The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
