hotel room ftw
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
