And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
