so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
