My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
