he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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