You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
