dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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