hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
