he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
