In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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