you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
