i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
