Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
