if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
this just has baby written all over it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
