she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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