____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
