Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
