M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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