Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Houston, we have a blender
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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