tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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