You made me cry and you don't even care
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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