Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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