When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
