bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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