Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
