I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
vagina is talking i cant
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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