Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
