No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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