my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
